How to Reduce Stress Before a Big Meeting

Ask my wife: I am the king of allowing mild stress to build and build before I have a big meeting with someone. Particularly after they’ve hired me and are paying me a bunch of money.

Finally, I think I’ve figured out a few things to keep in mind to avoid that stress. I hope that it’s a help to you:

1. Remind yourself you’re vying for the same thing

Unless they’re suing you, chances are you guys are on the same team. Even if they’re frustrated with you, or disappointed in you, it’s important that we both have the same goal in mind: to see the client succeed in whatever it is they’re doing.

Pause long enough—perhaps even say it aloud to yourself—to remember that the goal of the conversation is not to emerge the victor: it is to have an open discussion about whatever it is you’re discussing.

2. Write down—literally—every possible outcome of the meeting

In my blog An Introduction to Sales, I indirectly discuss not ever being caught off guard by a client question. The same tactic can help with a big meeting. In fact, I think that’s where a lot of the anxiety before a big meeting comes into play. We don’t know what to expect, so we can’t prepare for it.

So, what I do when my mind is running around in circles, is write down every possible turn the conversation might take. What if they hate me. What if they hate the project. What if it’s missing the mark. What if they want to part ways.

Oppositely, remember to jot down: What if they love me? What if they want to pay me more? (Yes, it’s happened.)

After writing down every possible outcome of the conversation, you can adequately prepare a response for each one of those scenarios. This is a huge help in feeling unprepared for what might happen. Keep in mind:

“We need to talk” never feels like a good thing, but sometimes it is.

What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen in any client meeting? They fire you? Then you’ll find a new client. You are resilient! You’ll think of something. You always have.

Because your client cannot end your life, you have to understand that most conversations cannot end as poorly as you fear they might.

Exaggeration is an over-active mind’s biggest enemy.

Squash it with a list of possible outcomes.

3. Ask for an agenda or topic of discussion

If you can’t do #2 because you have literally no idea what the meeting is about, ask your client why they want to meet.

You can use the guise of wanting to prepare ahead of time so that you’re an active participant in the meeting; not just a secretary recording the minutes. Unless they’re firing you, chances are they’ll at least give you a faint idea of what to expect. This can go a long way to easing your panic.

When you’re in the meeting

Here’s how to keep cool and calm when you’re actually having the discussion you’re uneasy about:

1. Offer a follow-up to anything you can’t answer

Sure, the point is to try to get to the other side of the conversation, but if you’re ever so caught off guard that you just need to process things before you say something stupid, tell this to your client.

“Hey - I’m going to need some time before I can give you an adequate response to your question. I will follow up with you by X time about that with more information.”

This is especially true if your client should want a discount or to reduce the scope of the work. Don’t verbally agree to anything in the heat of the moment. Take the time to consider all your options before responding.

Even if you already know what you will say, this allows you the opportunity to choose your words carefully.

Repeat after me: I will follow up with you shortly.

2. Take the emotion out of it

Here’s the biggest tip to apply to your work life in general:

Stop thinking that criticism about your work is a personal criticism about your value.

When we can take our emotions out of the conversation and just focus on the black and white facts (and the work itself), it makes any discussion or negotiation easier.

This is especially important if your client is dissatisfied with your work. You take the hurt out of the conversation when your client doesn’t like what you’ve produced and, instead, you can immediately begin focusing on how to make amends.

One last tip for before the meeting actually happens, perhaps the most helpful of all:

Look beyond the meeting

Plan something fun or exciting after your meeting. Maybe it’s running out to get your favourite snack after what you know is a stressful meeting. Maybe it’s just one of the more fun To-Do items on your daily list.

Make plans for the evening. Whatever it takes. Just remember:

This too shall pass.

This meeting will not go on forever. Your regular life will resume (even if it looks different after that meeting). Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.

Your success rate for difficult days is 100% so far. Why should this meeting be any different?