5 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Manager This Month

One of the best—and most exhausting—things about my role as a manager is that it makes use of every skill I possess (or ought to possess). This goes far beyond the skills of photo / video / design I would’ve believed were my strongest assets at one point.

This is great because it keeps things interesting. As a creative person, I tire of repetitive work fairly quickly.

The farther I get into this job, the more and more opportunity I see to level-up in a hurry. Not just out of necessity, but out of desire. I want to be the best version of myself I can be, and this role is rife with opportunity for that.

This past month was a great example of some of that opportunity fulfilled. I’ve learned a lot and I’m here to share the handful of things I’ve had on my mind the past few weeks.

1. Don’t run your mouth

In his phenomenal book Sales EQ, author Jeb Blount blew my mind the most with the concept of disruptive emotions. This probably isn’t even his own unique observation, but the way he articulated it has stuck with me, and been something I’ve tossed over a lot since reading it 7 months ago.

Disruptive emotions are the emotions that pop up in our heads (often uncontrolled, as emotions tend to be) and derail us—self sabotage, if you prefer. One of the most popular disruptive emotions people struggle with is anger. Realistically, in most situations, how useful is anger? Whether in the form of annoyance or frustration: how often does it bring us closer to our goal to embody these emotions? Generally, not very useful.

That alone is enough to chew on, but the disruptive emotion that Jeb speaks of (that is the thorn in my side more than others) is eagerness.

How is eagerness a disruptive emotion?

It causes us to want to skip steps. We want to throw out our due process because we’re excited to get to the end. Unfortunately, we undermine and often ruin the entire thing when we let eagerness get a hold of us.

So when I talk about “don’t run your mouth,” I’m not really talking about “don’t let your anger get the best of you.” That one’s a given.

I’m talking about “don’t let your eagerness about something you haven’t processed cause you to say stupid things that are going to make your life harder later.”

Guilty is charged. I’m learning from that mistake.

2. Don’t concede your authority

Everyone reports to someone: that’s a matter of fact. But when we make ourselves a glorified middleman in a given situation, we cause way more damage than we might realize.

Losing (if nothing else) the perception of your authority is a phenomenal way to lose the respect of your team. No one is impressed by someone who can’t help them (nor is anyone scared of someone who can’t hurt them).

Am I advocating lording your power over your subordinates? Not in the least. There is far more power to be gained by influence instead of authority.

But don’t lose sight of the fact that you were put into a position of power for a reason (assuming you were put there and didn’t just fall into it by dumb luck). In a strong work environment, you are given the power and trust by your superiors to execute things as you need to.

Even if you do have to go to your superiors on a decision, it’s probably wiser to let that part fly under the radar. “Don’t ever let them see you bleed,” if you will.

Another way you maintain your authority is by following #1. If you’re put into a situation that you don’t know the answer to, you give yourself time to figure it out (with the help of your superiors) if you haven’t run off your mouth.

If it’s too late and you’ve either run your mouth or conceded your authority, it is particularly difficult to fix either of those without a strong act of authority. You might be forced to step up to the plate in ways you wish you didn’t have to.

3. Have tough conversations sooner

Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud is phenomenal for many reasons, but one quote that sticks out (and I’m not really a quote guy) communicates something to the effect of “It rarely does any good for you to defer ending something you know should’ve ended already.”

That’s a tough thing to hear sometimes because it throws your excuses for passivity into your face.

It’s also tough because he’s right.

In a similar vein, don’t let uncomfortable situations and conversations drag out longer than they need to. As a manager, be quick to deal with things that are messy and difficult. With every hour that passes, the situation becomes increasingly hard to get out of.

On the surface, this may seem to fly in the face of #1 about not running your mouth, but they’re really entirely different situations.

#1 is about not getting caught up in the heat of the moment, becoming overzealous, and saying things without being 100% sure of what’s coming out of your mouth.

#3 is about being decisive and not wavering when your gut tells you something. It’s about dealing with conflict head-on. It’s about following through on a decision you’ve made after you’ve made it.

4. Do what you say you’re going to do

When I took this job, I made a lot of declarations about the type of person I was going to be. One of my staff (half-jokingly) pointed out that my manifesto flew in the face of another mantra I often implement: under-promise and over-deliver.

I wrote that manifesto as a goal and as a benchmark. I did, indeed, set the standard high on myself; and higher than I knew I was capable of achieving. But the effort to get me there wasn’t enough of a reason not to do it. (And, to be clear, I am still actively trying to do it. I have not arrived. Not even close.)

This month, I had (inadvertently) created opportunities for myself to prove that I was going to follow through on those commitments. I deeply desire to be a man of integrity—who is dependable by doing what he says he’ll do—and I had to prove it.

The danger of lacking integrity is entire demise. Failing people will lose you respect, and a lack of respect will lose you intangible/genuine authority, which will then lose you status, and eventually everything else in your life. I take the idea of integrity very seriously.

However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

In my mind, when you find yourself in a bad situation, staring at a whole lot of bad options, almost always the least-bad (longterm) is that of integrity.

Own it. Tell the truth. Admit fault. Forgo excuses. Articulate your learned lesson. Self-reflect. Vow to demonstrate your changed nature through action before word.

The integral thing is rarely the easy thing short-term, but it is always—unequivocally—the right thing longterm.

The truth always comes out. That much I believe. No lie is safe. No lie is forever. Don’t mess with them. All they do is antagonize your character.

5. Everything may not be good, but good can come of anything

Sometime during the pandemic, my pastor and good friend Dave delivered a sermon about finding good in the bad. This is also a concept my therapist friend Chad teaches a lot about. There is something positive in every awful thing—no matter how insignificant it might feel in the moment.

I found myself in a few different messes this month—the vast majority of which made worse by my own inadequacy. I was forced to live out everything I’ve just shared about.

But now that I’m coasting down the other side of it?

The trajectory is good. I have more trust and respect from the people that matter most. I still have work to do with others—I am not out of the woods yet—and I still have work to do on myself. Considerable work. But the worst of all this is behind me, and I am stronger on this side of it.

The grass only grows when it rains. We only grow stronger by temporarily weakening ourselves.

Stop seeing hardships as nothing but setbacks. This is a defeatist, victimhood mentality (something I have no space for in my life). You need to recognize that every situation in life has an opportunity to strengthen you from here on out.

In summary

Nothing is easy. Being a manager isn’t always fun. But I’m ending this month feeling more confident, more sure of myself, heading in the direction of the man I want to be.

These periods of growth have a tendency to surprise us. We’re rarely ready for them. So the saying is true: the best defence is a good offence.

You can’t be caught off guard if you’re always… on guard… lol. Not very profound but easy to forget.

No matter what happens, learning from your mistakes—however numerous they may be—is the only way to turn a bad thing good. There’s enough garbage in the world already. You are a sunshine factory.

Get to work.